Quitter?!

Wow. My amazing father has been nothing but loyal to your cheating, alcoholic ass in the last how many years and YOU call HIM a quitter? I know you’re almost two years sober, but girl you must be on something if you truly believe that. At this point, whether he finally divorces you or not, consider us divorced. I have a dad. I have a mom. I have a brother and a sister who don’t deserve this drama. But I no longer have a stepmother. I have kept my mouth shut for the longest time, but fuck that. I am livid. You have officially lost ALL of my respect.

Day 6.

Pet peeves 

I feel like I come up with new pet peeves daily, but here are a few that never change.

• When someone turns off/down a song I was listening to
• Cocky/know it all types
• People who speak too loudly on the phone
• Being treated like a child
• Having to repeat myself

I’ve probably forgotten a few, but these came to mind.

Day 5.

Wow! I seriously suck at keeping up with this thing! I thought I was doing so well too.. 

What song inspires you?

Hmm, I don’t know if it inspires me per say, but it most definitely lifts my spirits whenever I’m in a shitty mood. Not only is John Mayer one of my all time favorites artists, and not only does his voice simply soothe my soul, but this song’s message is just uplifting and freeing in a way. The song’s purpose is to encourage people to speak up. Get the courage and confess your feelings to that guy, tell your coworker that you think they treat you like shit, apologize when you know you’ve wronged someone. Don’t bottle up emotions because getting them all out on the table is exactly what everyone needs. So, I guess this song really does inspire me. It inspires me to voice my opinion and my feelings no matter what and to not let others treat me like a doormat. Thanks John.

I Wanna.

I just want to move out. I want a new start. I want to decorate it my way. I want a cute new bedroom. A cute kitchen. Living room. You get the point. I want to live with a small group of friends and have the time of my life. I want to live with my boyfriend. I want to live with my boyfriend so that even when he has work until one in the morning, he still ends up in bed next to me. I want to live with my boyfriend so I can see him as much as humanly possible. I want to live on my own so I can buy my own groceries and not have to worry about my family eating my special food. I want to buy my own shampoo, hairspray, makeup and not have to worry about my mom using it all. I’d very much like it if all of this could happen as soon as possible.

Thanks, xo

Rainy Wednesday.

Well, it’s pouring. I usually am a fan of this weather, unless I’m at school, but since it started as I was leaving class this morning I’m a happy camper. I’ve been snuggled up with my cat, listening to rainy day playlists on 8tracks for the past hour. I love it. I’m about to pour myself a glass of wine and hop in the bath. I don’t care if it’s four p.m., I worked my ass off yesterday. I deserve this. Then hopefully I’ll be inspired enough to finish Mikey’s belated Valentine’s Day card. Unfortunately I was stuck at work all day and had no time to finish it yesterday. 

Also, just a small update on my life.. I got my permit! Finally! So, hopefully in just a few weeks, with enough practice, I’ll be able to pass the behind the wheel test. Look at this twenty year old, finally growing up! It’s exciting. Things are looking up. This year is gonna be mine. I can feel it.

Well, my bathtub is calling!

xo

Homesick.

It’s so weird. I’ve never actually gotten homesick before, but now I find myself feeling more alone than ever. I just arrived in Florida a little under four hours ago and I’ve already broken down twice. One is happening as I type this, actually. I know I must sound like a spoiled brat. “Oh poor me. I’m stuck on this all expense paid family vacation to Disney World. Wah wah wah.” And I really am appreciative and super stoked that I’m here. Today has just been so incredibly stressful that it has put me over the edge.

I’m so emotional lately. I hate it. Here I am, just four hours before I need to wake up, bawling my eyes out. And why? I don’t completely know. I’m over sensitive right now and getting irritated with my boyfriend. I hate not having him here to comfort me and we’ve never been this far apart, or just apart in general for so long. There’s so much space in the condo we’re staying at that it frustrates me he couldn’t be here with me. My family stresses me out and I could really use one piece of sanity with me on this trip.

I guess I should get over it and do my best to sleep.. I’ve got a long week ahead of me.

xo

Too Dependent.

Ladies I’m sorry, but I just cannot grasp the idea of NEEDING a boyfriend. Those girls who are obsessed with the idea of having a boyfriend are slowly driving me insane. It’s one thing if you’re crazy about someone and want them to yours, but to have no one in particular in mind and feel that you need a boyfriend is just plain stupid. That concept is just beyond me.

I mean, don’t get me wrong, love is awesome and all that jazz, but you should be able to function properly without someone else. Only once you are fully independent and satisfied with yourself, can you have something positive to contribute to someone else. I think most girls feel that a boyfriend will make them more confident and content with themselves, which is true. Of course having someone love you and want to be with you will make you feel confident, but you have to have a little bit of confidence to begin with to even attract someone to you. And don’t worry, I am no hypocrite. Before I was in a relationship, the only time I wanted a boyfriend was when I was completely into a specific person.

A close friend is exactly the person who needs to randomly stumble upon this post. She is so insecure with herself and feels that having a guy will completely cure that. I just want to shake her! I can assure you, no guy wants to have to convince you every single day that you look good. It’s understandable every once in awhile. Everyone has those days where they feel fat or their hair looks weird, but those days shouldn’t come every day. I feel like there is no getting through to girls (or guys) that are like this. Believe me I’ve tried. So instead, I rant. (;

Ps. I hope you all have a wonderful Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanza, etc!

xo

In A Hurry.

Lately, I’ve been feeling like everything is happening to slowly. Like I’ll never accomplish the basic things I want right now. I try my best to take the necessary steps towards these wishes, but always seems to come up short.

For example, I want my license. The first time I went to the DMV they needed my original birth certificate, therefore causing me to reschedule. The next time I go, ALL of California’s DMVs’ systems have crashed. Like, how often does THAT happen? Then, I finally go, get my picture taken, take the test, and miss two too many. This is getting so frustrating especially when I start thinking about how even once I have my permit, I have to go back and pass the actual driving test. If by some miracle I pass that I still have to find a car I like and can afford.

I’d also like to be able to move out sometime in the very near future, but saving money seems damn near impossible. I work about four to five days a week for about four to six hours each shift. Although I get tips on top of my minimum wage, it just doesn’t even seem plausible for me to be able to afford even the cheapest rent. I’d like to find random side jobs to earn some extra money to put away, but that leads me back to the driving issue. I have enough trouble finding rides to work as it is without adding another job to the equation.

Christmas is coming up and I have a great gift idea for my boyfriend, but I’m starting to doubt that I’ll have the money in time to get it for him. If I did get the money, I’m afraid I won’t be able to afford gifts for anyone else. Ugh. I think this time of year is just stressful in general. It’s a shame that Christmas has turned into a time for chaotic shopping and maxed out credit cards. What happened to it just meaning cheerful people, good food, and just being around the people who matter most to you?

I’d really just like to sleep right now, but there are too many stressful thoughts bouncing around my head. And here comes a headache. Wonderful.

Sorry to stress you guys out.. haha. Goodnight!

xo

I’d just like to take a moment

I’d like to take a moment to say how truly grateful I am for the people in my life. I’ve been sick in bed all day, thinking about the past couple of weeks and how great they have been. I have the most amazing friends that anyone could ask for. I know, everyone says this about their friends, but it couldn’t be anymore true when it comes to mine. They are always there when I need them, regardless of how long it’s been since our last conversation. Recently, I’ve had the pleasure of getting to know a few friends a little better and I love it. I love getting to know people on a whole new level. I love having more people that I can trust and confide in. Thank you all.

I’ll keep this short

Last night, I got into an argument with a good friend. None of this would’ve happened had she been sober. She becomes so unreasonable and contradicts herself constantly. It’s impossible to win with her when she’s in this state, unless you’re also trashed and just want to act like a fool with her. I was drinking, but was nowhere near her level, so when she started reaching this level of ridiculousness, I’m not one to play along. She’s been a close friend for years, so I’ve gotten over sugarcoating things for her. We have a love/hate type of friendship. Anywho, last night I refused to play along with whatever game she was playing, which led to her getting heated and saying some rude things. At that point, I went home. There was no way I could spend the rest of my night with her. Both of our other friends who were there were also getting sick of her nonsense, but neither felt comfortable enough to say anything.

So my point is, if people don’t like you when you’re drunk, don’t drink. If you can’t have a few drinks with friends without the high school type drama creeping in, don’t drink. I understand that my friend, and others, feel uncomfortable in certain situations when they don’t have their liquid courage, but I’d much rather be the insecure girl in the corner without a drink than the hammered girl, slurring her words with throw up in her hair.