So this is something I have wanted to make a post about for a little while now, but haven’t because it has been a little difficult for me. I’m not even sure why I feel the need to write about it, but I have been trying to make a habit of writing about big events in my life and my life has definitely been changed within the last six weeks or so.
I lost two lives that were very dear to me within a week of each other. Mid-January, my cat, Sammy started acting very strange and my mom and I knew something had to be wrong. He wasn’t eating. He randomly began going to the bathroom all over the house, and he wasn’t taking care of himself like he used to. I know I haven’t posted too much about him, but he was seriously the best cat ever. He was in my room 24/7 and I called him my best friend all the time. We took him into the vet and they did a few tests on him. It took about a week before the results would come in and everyone told me he would be fine. I tried to be optimistic, but in my heart I knew something was really wrong. Two days before the results would come in, I stayed in on a saturday night just to watch over him. I could tell he was suffering and I spent the whole night holding him and crying because there was nothing I could do to really comfort him. I felt so so bad, and even now as I’m writing this, I’m getting emotional. When monday morning came, I went to the vet with my mom and Sammy, praying the whole time in the waiting room that there was some way he would be alright. When the vet finally called us in, he told us it wasn’t good news and that Sammy’s liver was failing. He said there was little to nothing that could be done and unless we wanted him hooked up to IVs for the rest of his life, that this was the end for him. I completely lost it. I had tried to prepare myself for this but there really is no way to do that. I held on to him and didn’t ever want to let go. When it was time for him to be put down I stayed with him as they put him to sleep (this is before he is completely put down). As he was falling asleep he kept trying to crawl to me, but he couldn’t. I held on to his paw and pet him until he was passed out. And that was that. I said goodbye then because I don’t think I could have handled hearing his last little breath. Some people may find it ridiculous that I am still so emotional over losing him, but I was so incredibly attached. For cat lovers, you know how much personality they have and how easily it is to love your cat. I spent the whole day in my room crying until I was forced to go to work. I had never lost anyone so close to me before. I am planning on getting a tattoo with his ashes in the ink within the next month or so to remind myself of him.
On top of this great loss, the very next week, on a wednesday, I woke up to some awful news. I was getting ready for class and decided to go on instagram. As I was scrolling through pictures, I came to one my cousin had posted with him and my Uncle Jimi. Underneath the picture he wrote that my uncle was in the hospital due to a tumor bursting in his brain. I immediately texted my dad to ask what was happening. My dad called me and was crying and I completely lost it. He said this would probably be my uncle’s last day with us. My Uncle Jimi had been battling leukemia for the past nine months and had been slowly improving after getting a bone marrow transplant from another uncle of mine. A week or so before my uncle was hospitalized my aunt noticed a change in him and asked the nurses and doctors to do an MRI on his brain to see what was wrong, but they assured her it was nothing. Well, it ended up being a tumor pressed against his brain and that tuesday night it erupted and began bleeding into his brain. He was put into a medically induced coma at that point. After hearing all of this, I opted out of going to class and drove straight to the hospital. It amazed me how much family had been there with him all morning. I have an extremely large family and everyone who lives in California showed up to be with him at the hospital, and those who don’t live in CA were already making flight arrangements. It was very emotional for me seeing my family in this much pain. Seeing my dad, grandma and little cousin (Uncle Jimi’s son) crying was the hardest for me, personally. When I arrived there, my Uncle Steve went with me so I could go and see my uncle. It was so strange seeing him there. He was obviously physically there, but it was just different. For anyone who knew my uncle, they know how crazy and full of life he was. He always had a huuuge smile on his face and was constantly cracking jokes, so to see him there so quiet and peaceful was a little eery. I was at the hospital for at least six hours, with family going in and out of the room with him. At one point, a counselor came and took everyone into the room to say our final goodbyes. This was by far the hardest time for everyone. We all talked about our best memories with him and told him how much we loved him. We all took our turns hugging and kissing him and holding his hands and then we had to leave. Around three or so, it was time for us to let go. My aunt and three cousins went in to be with him for the last time. I had never seen such heartache. The next week was the funeral, and also the first time my entire family had been together in at least ten years. In times of tragedy, it is so inspiring to me to see how quickly my family will be there for one another. Although, it wasn’t under the best circumstances, I loved having everyone together. My uncle will be so missed. He was definitely the comedian of the family and was always the first to make a smart ass comment on anything. He always called me Avril Lavigne, except he pronounced it Ay-vril. I’ll never be able to listen to one of her songs without smiling and thinking of him.
RIP Sammy & Uncle Jimi ❤ You are both so incredibly missed & loved.
jordanmadeleine 